| February 19, 1998 | |
| Conquering Fear | |
| by Gail Ivey | |
| It's been my experience that
fear in humans around horses, and maybe elsewhere, is
caused by ignorance and failure leading to bad
experiences. Conquering it comes from knowledge and
success leading to good experiences. Let's take that apart a little. Most folks run into trouble because something happened that they were powerless to prevent, and ended up with an injured body or injured emotional state. There are a lot of things that could create a situation like that, however, if you think about it, if folks could see what was about to happen, and knew exactly what to do to prevent trouble, *most* of the time, the trouble wouldn't happen. It's that *most* that makes the difference. The more successful outcomes you get, the more you gain confidence in your ability to prevent the trouble you are aware of. Then, on that one time it doesn't work out, it's a bit easier to recover without being afraid. My friends who've only known me in the last fifteen years or so tend to think I'm pretty fearless. At a recent clinic, one of the participants horses was bucking and leaping as a result of being confined for a week because of the rain. The horse was showing extreme athletic ability in vertical fashion. I admired every inch of him, not because I think I could ride a bucking horse, but because athletic horses appeal to me. I must have had a pretty good smile on my face, because, after several folks commented how they wouldn't even be in the same pen with that horse, my friend said, "Gail *likes* horses like this". "That's only because I'm nuts," I replied. But, I'll tell you what. Getting cratered big time without seeing it coming, or knowing what to do about it can wreck your confidence in a hurry. Been there, done that, shredded the t-shirt. White knuckle rides belong at the amusement parks as far as I'm concerned. I know what it's like to be so afraid to get on a horse your guts just start to shake. So, what's it like to deal with fear in my students? Well, maybe I know how they're feeling, but empathy doesn't get you very far. Giving them the knowledge to build the skills they need may help a little, but the real recovery never happens until they are able to apply those skills to gain success. But, let's back up a moment, because there's a part of this that needs to be addressed. No one likes to be afraid, and no one would choose fear if there were a pill you could take to get rid of it. Well, OK, let's keep it natural, and not go running for the Valium. But some folks have a pattern already established that doesn't allow them to let success and good experiences into their lives. Without wanting it, and most of the time, without realizing it, they've got themselves trained to handle fear by either not handling it (i.e. not risking *any* exposure), or by forcing themselves into overexposure and freezing up. Truthfully, I have not found a way to help people who handle fear in this way. The best I can hope for is to try to adjust to fit the situation in a way that the skills come out as a matter of muscle-memory, or "knee jerk" reaction. Honestly, some of the students I've had in this category could probably ride some of the rankest horses they'd meet, from all the "rote" work they've had, but they don't know it, and may never know it, because they don't want to risk the exposure they need to be successful. That pattern is set in there so strong. And, it seems to me, it was there long before they ever got around a horse. I've managed to overcome most of the fear I acquired when I was young. I guess I have. I'm out there getting experience with it every day, and I haven't turned chicken yet! But I suppose it is possible that it may have something to do with the fact that I was a spoiled rotten kid, and convinced I could have everything I wanted, if I wanted it enough. So far, I've only wanted the things I've wanted enough, so it must be true <g>. But, my way of dealing with the fear in myself was to gain the knowledge, build the skill and risk the exposure, without overexposing myself. In other words, I already had a pattern started of doing whatever it took to be successful. I'd had some experience with freezing up from overexposure that had nothing to do with horses, but I knew I wasn't going to live my life that way, nor was I going to ignore it, since that accomplished nothing. These are just my experiences and may have nothing to do with most of you. If I knew all of you personally, maybe I'd know if it did, but most likely not anyway. I also don't think I've got it all worked it, which must be why I keep trying to acquire more knowledge. So, returning to dealing with a fearful human, the way that has been successful for me is to understand the fear pattern first, and adjust to fit it. Then I can structure a way to give knowledge, build skills and try to control the exposure. And, interestingly enough, if I can build a person's awareness of his or her position in the pattern, that is, know if they have the skill already there to do what needs to be done, then saying "RELAX!" actually *does* help. It simply needs to be understood by the person and myself what is meant by the word "relax." For some it means, "you're holding your breath," for others it means, "your left side is collapsing," or "your seat bones are pinched together." It just needs to be understood to be effective, and the only way to make it understood is to be specific about the trouble. Once you're aware, you can teach yourself to relax where you might have gotten tense. And it is truly amazing how well a person can stay on an equine explosion just by staying relaxed, where a horse could sneeze and a tense person might fall off. It's sort of like a pair of chaps versus a pair of posts. Toss your chaps over your saddle, and your horse can usually get wild and woolly for a second or two without losing the chaps. But tie those posts over the saddle, just at the top, and balance them there, and see if your horse can even walk ten strides without losing them. The physics are basically the same for the rider. Sit loose and go with the horse, or tighten up and hit the ground. That doesn't mean it always works that way, which is why even the best riders still get dumped every now and then, and conversely, a tense rider manages to stay on top enough to believe that the tension didn't make a difference. But, as I like to tell the truth as much as I'm aware, the only way to completely avoid ever falling off a horse is to never get on one. But, if you should fall off - relax! Anyone know why the Austrian downhiller didn't get all busted up after flying several dozens of feet through the air at 70mph, landing in the snow and taking out three fences on the way? Yeah, yeah, easy for me to say. Gain the knowledge, build the skills and have them there when you need them. Success will overcome fear, and then you can relax. Gail Ivey |
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| Comments: Susanfxtrt@aol.com |
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