VERSATILITY AFTERNOON was about to start. The announcer boomed, “Class number 73, Contestants please enter the arena”. Velvet and I proudly walked into the CELEBRATION SHOW RING for the first time. I was first into the arena and Velvet followed me walking in her most royal Princess manner. WE OWNED THE ARENA!
We were the only contestants there. We stood proudly and surveyed our arena. The 100 or so people in the crowd stared at us. I flipped my hair using the “blond gesture.” The versatility judges entered the arena and went to their arena “judges’” home. They were talking excitedly among themselves.
Velvet nudged me and said…”What’s the deal, here?” I spoke up loudly toward the judges’ stand, “Are we doing this with or without the lead rope?” It must have appeared that I mimed these words as no one even looked up. No one acknowledged the presence of the Princess of the Pasture and her muck-slave. The large 100-person crowd continued to stare at us, no doubt wondering why we were in the arena.
Finally a nice kind man came over to me and I asked again, “Are we doing this with or without the lead rope?” His face took on the calming look that normal people give mental patients. He stated slowly and kindly, “Mam, this is a foot race just for people.” Thud went my stomach. “I have been an idiot,” said my brain. Details…Details, they kill me every time. People like me, (“Expressive”), don’t believe in details like maps, adequate instructions, and we especially hate asking unnecessary questions.
Velvet snorted in disgust and gave me a horse snot shower. One does not embarrass the Princess without paybacks.
The former “owners of the arena” were now idiots treading on hallowed ground. I slumped and tried to crawl inside of my body to become invisible. I slunk from the arena…all 50 yards. With every slinking step, Velvet snorted at me explaining in horse curse words just how stupid I had been. She was humiliated at being known as “that idiot’s horse”.
Let me explain. In our great Kansas City Fox Trotter Horse Breed club FUN SHOW, we had a foot race. We raced from the gate down to the other end, went around a barrel and came back to the gate. We did this with the horse following the human. We could not use a lead rope. We could use a bucket of grain-nothing was forbidden except a lead rope. The horse could not beat the human through the gate. This was the foot race that I had in mind!. It was only fitting that I had assumed that this foot race would be the same as our local club fun show. Did I think to ask? Naaaa. I don’t ask stupid questions.
Some minutes after I had slunk out of the arena…my name was called over the judges’ PA system. After all, my name was on the list of contestants, probably the only one. They wanted a contestant. They probably realized later that the poor mentally deranged person that was in the arena earlier was in fact, their contestant. I spit on the ground when I heard my name being called. Velvet flicked me hard with her tail. “Punishment for Dumbness”.